Poem

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This is a poem that I written for one of my writing classes. I wrote this about a Christmas party that my friends & I had. We danced, ate candy, & played charades. At one point, when we danced to the song Come On Eileen (featured in Perks of Being a Wallflower), I looked over to my friend who was dancing across from me & she had the biggest smile on her face. I realized that I was smiling too; I had been dancing how I wanted to, not caring if I was good or not (I'm not, just to clarify). I then thought to myself: "This is going to be one of those nights that I look back on, & remember as one of the best nights of my life." I had never felt so free. The thing is - what I'm realizing as I type this - there was a reason why I felt so free; I was around people I loved, dancing to music I enjoyed, & I finally allowed myself to dance the way I wanted to. Usually when I hit the peak of my embarrassment, I stop dancing. But instead, I pushed aside the self-conscious thoughts, & I just had fun.

So, that is my little background story as to why I titled this poem what is. 

Completely Uninhibited

Before it began, 

we set up the room 

with some balloons 

and streamers draping; 

all for a celebration 

of the birth 

of someone worth 

celebrating.

We danced like the friends 

in that wallflower

movie. 

Because when we danced, 

we danced without a care, 

even though dancing is so

unlike me. 

Minutes in, a voice said

I’m making myself a fool.

Yes, I have two left

feet, but I chose not to

listen. So we danced 

together and out of sync 

to our favorite music.

We’re bad dancers with

good jokes,

rhythmless comedians.

But in the end, although 

imperfect,

that night,

it was memorable. 

It was perfect. 

It was when I felt

completely uninhibited. 

The Hopeful & The Hopeless: My Interpretation of The Walking Dead

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I'm not going to lie: I really like The Walking Dead. 

Last year, during a week off from school due to ice and snow storms, my mom and I made homemade soy lattes and enjoyed The Walking Dead, season 1. For years, my friends and well, Society has told me that this show is worth the watch. I had never been into zombies before, whether it be in the form of a book or on the big screen. (There is one exception to this statement: I have a love of the movie Warm Bodies, but it is basically a glorified Romeo and Juliet). I go on and on about how amazing 30 Rock is, and how it's a show that makes me laugh in such a way that I would designate it as a "howl." Yes, this is true and will forever be true (Tina Fey, you little genius), but for those days when I need a break from slapstick comedy, I can watch TWD. The show does an amazing job explaining each character's story and what they were like before everything went down. Somehow, by the time the credits roll - and this happens after almost every episode - I am left open-mouthed and dumbstruck.

At first, it took me awhile to get used to the raspy growls of the zombies and the constant violence, but the suspenseful plot twists and great acting were what kept me watching every week. Now I have almost 6 seasons under my belt.

My Interpretation:

In the show, there are two types of people: the "walkers," as the zombies are most often called, and the humans. If a walker bites a human and the human dies, the human eventually turns into a zombie. But, spoiler alert: the main character, Rick, is told that the entire population is already infected with a disease of some sort that will turn them into zombies after they die. So, getting bit by a walker just speeds up the process of turning into a zombie.

After watching the first couple of episodes, I began to notice something beyond the constant battle between zombies and humans: two subtypes of humans. Those two subtypes that the humans fall under are the hopeful and the hopeless. It's not something that is stamped on their foreheads, but as a viewer, you are able to decipher who spends most of their time living in which category. Whether it's mentioned in the dialogue or not, each character in the story either acts out of their hopelessness or their hopefulness in the time of crisis (usually when a zombie pops out from behind a tree, ready to eat them). 

Some of the men and women that appeared at first to be the strongest and most dependable leaders in their groups, fell prey to hopelessness of their current situation. Well, who would blame them? Their entire world had crumbled, some family members were lost or dead by the hand of zombies, and everything seemed to be crashing down all at once. However, their poor attitudes didn't just inhibit their happiness; oftentimes, it hindered their ability to fend for themselves and others. On the other hand, some men and women that didn't appear to be the strongest in their groups turned out to be the most helpful ones out of the bunch. They understood that living among zombies was their new normal, and they made the decision to make the most of it and act accordingly. 

When I watched those first couple of seasons where I saw the topic of "hope" more prominently, I also realized that the categories of the hopeful and the hopeless appear in our lives now. Everyday, there are people who have some pretty crappy circumstances or things that they have faced in the past. However, it's how they handle those situations that makes all the difference. If you're constantly re-thinking things that happened in the past, bringing up old emotions that should have already been dealt with, or are going through a tough time, positivity is key. Hope is key. In TWD, it was those who stayed positive that stayed alive, and lived a more fulfilling life. When people (nowadays as well as TWD crew) are constantly focusing on the sad/troubling/awful parts of their life or the things that they are dealing with currently, it influences their own emotional and/or physical health. It can also hurt those around them.

Despite all the crap I've been through, the things that I'm still dealing with, and the problems that I have yet to face, I know that God is the source of my hope. I have been known to live in the "hopeless" category for extremely long periods of time, but I now realize how powerful hope can be within dire times of my life. I utterly grateful for the hope that God provides. Without it, I don't know where I would be right now. I also have to keep reminding myself that God knows what He's doing, and knows what my life will look like in 10, 20, 30 years. I don't.

Okay, okay. I understand that not everyone had this "revelation" while watching TWD, but I did. It caused me to look back on my life, and see how being hopeful has changed my life for the better.

The girl that wishes Daryl and Rick will stay alive forever and ever,

Reagan Fleming

It's More Than Just Good Manners

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I have learned that being thankful can make a world of difference in how I live my life.

I heard from one of my mom's friends that she had recently put into practice what Joel Osteen wrote about in one of his many books. That was, to be thankful to God in every season of life, of every part of the day. After I heard her talk about what she had learned, I unconsciously decided to put this into practice as well. I began to thank God for the most random things. I don't remember what exactly, but it probably started out like, "God, thank You for providing money for this gluten free bagel. It's delicious." (The members of my family are health nuts btw). Once I started thanking Him for the little things in my life (even though they sound insignificant), it became clear to me that I didn't even take the time to thank God about the bigger things in my life, the things that I have gotten so used to having. It may sound oxymoronic, but the more substantial things such as being able to live in a house & having the opportunity to go to a university to further my education, I kind of... forgot about. I was so used to living in the house that I live in & going to the school that I go to, that I didn't stop to thank God for these things, even though they should technically be the ones that I am most thankful for.  

Throughout that week, as I began to thank God for the most minuscule things as well as the most sizable ones, I noticed a change in my disposition; I had slowly but surely been noticing myself becoming happier. I discovered that thankfulness changes your attitude about life & everything around you for the better. It's more than a verbal response to someone after they held the door open for you. 

Ever since I chose to become a Christian as a young girl, I had experienced ups & downs like nobody's business. In middle school, there was a death in the family. After that happened, I basically lost my faith & belief that God was who He said He was. It sounds pretty drastic, but my family & I were believing for healing, so when that didn't happen, I was a confused kid. I couldn't understand why He would let something like that happen. But the thing is, I don't really have to know why God does the things He does or chooses not to do some things. There are millions of things that I don't understand nor want to understand (i.e. quantum physics), so I try to let God do all the planning. Obviously, I am not perfect, & I don't have a lot of patience. Giving God complete control has been a struggle. However, everything my family & I have been through has led to a deeper & more personal relationship with God. He taught me that everything works out for His good. I wouldn't wish what I had gone through on my worst enemy, but I have had to keep reminding myself that God knows what He's doing. Through all of the mess, it made me realize that He was a big enough god to handle it all. He doesn't need me to be a perfect Christian where all we talk about is how much I love Him, He wants to know me on a personal level. He wants to know ALL of us on a personal level, & He wants it to be out of love, not out of obligation. 

God actually wants to know me for me & you for you. For that reason, I am thankful. 

Reagan Fleming